Embarrassing moments

[TDYER63]

I really have had so many but thought I would share the latest one , if only for a bit of therapy.

I was in London yesterday visiting clients with one my male colleagues . I was wearing a summer dress as the weather down there has been decent. We came up from an underground station and it was pouring with rain. He ran ahead to get shelter under a canopy of a cafe, which had floor to celing windows  and tables all around the windows. I fumbled about trying to get my umbrella up. 

Next minute a large gust of wind blew my brolly inside out and I reached up with my other hand to try and sort it .

 Suddenly, a second gust of wind appeared and blew the skirt of my dress right  up to my waist ! Not only did it blow it up, it stayed there hovering like a parachute ! I had no tights or underskirt on as it was a summer dress and was lined.  

My colleague just stood there gaping, his mouth literally wide open and his eyes popping out his head. I was mortified. I ran over giggling nervously and he said   ' Fooks sake Tracey. That was truly horrific !' 

All the folk in the Walthamstow cafe windows were sniggering. 

When I got home last night I thought ' i need to know how bad that looked' so  I re-enacted it in my mirror in the bedroom. I curled up into a ball and sobbed on the floor. 

Please let there be someone else out there with wn equally embarrassing moment. 

 

[Ormond]

A few years ago I was out on a Sunday having a big scoop with mates. Two munters came in and as you do when you're blootered, automatically think they're hot. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up back at one of their houses that night. She was manky, but I was blootered. Still fumbling about through to the morning with a droopy beery tadger, I eventually had to leave for Monday morning work. It was 6am-ish by this time and it was a braw sunny start to the day. Between her house and mine was maybe a 30min walk through a bonnie park. Whilst walking home through this park I was getting some weird looks from folk. Everycvnt kept staring at me. I arrived home and was pushed for time so I just had a quick Dundee shower(aka a skoosh of spray under the oxters) and threw my work clobber on. I stopped in at Tesco to pick up something for my pieces and still folk were glaring funny at me. Getting totally pished off now as I've no clue what it is. I get to the yard at work and the other guys are looking at me laughing. They tell me to go look in the mirror. I now see what it is. I have a mauchit trail of fanny slime around my mouth. The bitch must've been on her bad week. I just thought I was a stallion thinking I had her soaking too. 

Edited July 27, 2017 by Ormond

[TDYER63]

45 minutes ago, Ormond said:

A few years ago I was out on a Sunday having a big scoop with mates. Two munters came in and as you do when you're blootered, automatically think they're hot. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up back at one of their houses that night. She was manky, but I was blootered. Still fumbling about through to the morning with a droopy beery tadger, I eventually had to leave for Monday morning work. It was 6am-ish by this time and it was a braw sunny start to the day. Between her house and mine was maybe a 30min walk through a bonnie park. Whilst walking home through this park I was getting some weird looks from folk. Everycvnt kept staring at me. I arrived home and was pushed for time so I just had a quick Dundee shower(aka a skoosh of spray under the oxters) and threw my work clobber on. I stopped in at Tesco to pick up something for my pieces and still folk were glaring funny at me. Getting totally pished off now as I've no clue what it is. I get to the yard at work and the other guys are looking at me laughing. They tell me to go look in the mirror. I now see what it is. I have a mauchit trail of fanny slime around my mouth. The bitch must've been on her bad week. I just thought I was a stallion thinking I had her soaking too. 

? Ormond, that is no embarrassing,  that is gross ! 

Think Id better move onto Mumsnet .☺️

[McTeeko]

50 minutes ago, TDYER63 said:

? Ormond, that is no embarrassing,  that is gross ! 

Think Id better move onto Mumsnet .☺️

He told the story beautifully though ??

[Donaldo87]

sake Ormond

[TDYER63]

2 hours ago, McTeeko said:

He told the story beautifully though ??

Definetely a Grimm fairtytale ?

[G-Man]

14 hours ago, TDYER63 said:

I really have had so many but thought I would share the latest one , if only for a bit of therapy.

I was in London yesterday visiting clients with one my male colleagues . I was wearing a summer dress as the weather down there has been decent. We came up from an underground station and it was pouring with rain. He ran ahead to get shelter under a canopy of a cafe, which had floor to celing windows  and tables all around the windows. I fumbled about trying to get my umbrella up. 

Next minute a large gust of wind blew my brolly inside out and I reached up with my other hand to try and sort it .

 Suddenly, a second gust of wind appeared and blew the skirt of my dress right  up to my waist ! Not only did it blow it up, it stayed there hovering like a parachute ! I had no tights or underskirt on as it was a summer dress and was lined.  

My colleague just stood there gaping, his mouth literally wide open and his eyes popping out his head. I was mortified. I ran over giggling nervously and he said   ' Fooks sake Tracey. That was truly horrific !' 

All the folk in the Walthamstow cafe windows were sniggering. 

When I got home last night I thought ' i need to know how bad that looked' so  I re-enacted it in my mirror in the bedroom. I curled up into a ball and sobbed on the floor. 

Please let there be someone else out there with wn equally embarrassing moment. 

 

[sbcmfc]

Was away for a few nights with the wife to Salou, one of the nights we ended up drinking a right bucket (strangely enough with the infamous guy from here that was Khreaigh).

I woke up in the night needing a pee, sleepily headed for where the bathroom is at home, and was just coming round as the door clicked shut, leaving me bollock naked in the corridor. It was November and most of the residents in the hotel were French pensioners.

So I bang and bang on the door, but cannot waken the wife who is comatose in bed in the room, guy across the corridor looks out, looks me up and down then closes the door.

I decide I need to go to reception to get a spare key. Go down the lift and the doors open on reception which appears to be made entirely of mirrored glass with the desk at the furthest away point.

Unfortunately they don't tend to put their strongest linguists on the night shift on reception, so after a bit of difficulty managed to convey my predicament to the guy who made me a key, I now need to scuttle across reception making best use I can of my 2 hands to cover my front and back to get back in the lift.

Thankfulky I didn't have to share the lift, as that would've been an awkward journey (who would thank who as the doors opened?).

I went to the room, got in bed and went back to sleep, my wife didn't even find out about it until we woke up at lunchtime the next day.

[thistle do nicely]

16 hours ago, Ormond said:

A few years ago I was out on a Sunday having a big scoop with mates. Two munters came in and as you do when you're blootered, automatically think they're hot. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up back at one of their houses that night. She was manky, but I was blootered. Still fumbling about through to the morning with a droopy beery tadger, I eventually had to leave for Monday morning work. It was 6am-ish by this time and it was a braw sunny start to the day. Between her house and mine was maybe a 30min walk through a bonnie park. Whilst walking home through this park I was getting some weird looks from folk. Everycvnt kept staring at me. I arrived home and was pushed for time so I just had a quick Dundee shower(aka a skoosh of spray under the oxters) and threw my work clobber on. I stopped in at Tesco to pick up something for my pieces and still folk were glaring funny at me. Getting totally pished off now as I've no clue what it is. I get to the yard at work and the other guys are looking at me laughing. They tell me to go look in the mirror. I now see what it is. I have a mauchit trail of fanny slime around my mouth. The bitch must've been on her bad week. I just thought I was a stallion thinking I had her soaking too. 

I'm no big city lawyer, but if you expect the jury to believe;

a) you have no mirrors

b ) you didn't go straight in to brush your teeth like a normal guy in the pathetic attempt to stop a mouth disease

c) you didn't brush your teeth to hide the smell of booze from your work

d) didn't steal the story from "the boys" graphic novel

Then surely you are such a maukit tramp you wouldn't actually feel that embarrassed by being a stank?

The Prosecution rests it's case

[hannibal smith]

10 minutes ago, thistle do nicely said:

 

Then surely you are such a maukit tramp you wouldn't actually feel that embarrassed by being a stank?

 

i can be called as a character witness to confirm this is indeed the case 

[Larky Masher]

17 hours ago, Ormond said:

A few years ago I was out on a Sunday having a big scoop with mates. Two munters came in and as you do when you're blootered, automatically think they're hot. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up back at one of their houses that night. She was manky, but I was blootered. Still fumbling about through to the morning with a droopy beery tadger, I eventually had to leave for Monday morning work. It was 6am-ish by this time and it was a braw sunny start to the day. Between her house and mine was maybe a 30min walk through a bonnie park. Whilst walking home through this park I was getting some weird looks from folk. Everycvnt kept staring at me. I arrived home and was pushed for time so I just had a quick Dundee shower(aka a skoosh of spray under the oxters) and threw my work clobber on. I stopped in at Tesco to pick up something for my pieces and still folk were glaring funny at me. Getting totally pished off now as I've no clue what it is. I get to the yard at work and the other guys are looking at me laughing. They tell me to go look in the mirror. I now see what it is. I have a mauchit trail of fanny slime around my mouth. The bitch must've been on her bad week. I just thought I was a stallion thinking I had her soaking too. 

What a stud.

[teecee-]

1 hour ago, sbcmfc said:

Was away for a few nights with the wife to Salou, one of the nights we ended up drinking a right bucket (strangely enough with the infamous guy from here that was Khreaigh).

I woke up in the night needing a pee, sleepily headed for where the bathroom is at home, and was just coming round as the door clicked shut, leaving me bollock naked in the corridor. It was November and most of the residents in the hotel were French pensioners.

So I bang and bang on the door, but cannot waken the wife who is comatose in bed in the room, guy across the corridor looks out, looks me up and down then closes the door.

I decide I need to go to reception to get a spare key. Go down the lift and the doors open on reception which appears to be made entirely of mirrored glass with the desk at the furthest away point.

Unfortunately they don't tend to put their strongest linguists on the night shift on reception, so after a bit of difficulty managed to convey my predicament to the guy who made me a key, I now need to scuttle across reception making best use I can of my 2 hands to cover my front and back to get back in the lift.

Thankfulky I didn't have to share the lift, as that would've been an awkward journey (who would thank who as the doors opened?).

I went to the room, got in bed and went back to sleep, my wife didn't even find out about it until we woke up at lunchtime the next day.

Was doing this most  away games  so every trip I now go on I always wear Shorts and T-shirt to bed. The door card is also put in my pocket. I still end up outside the room on occasions but no more naked trips to reception.

 

 

[Fairbairn]

2 hours ago, sbcmfc said:

Was away for a few nights with the wife to Salou, one of the nights we ended up drinking a right bucket (strangely enough with the infamous guy from here that was Khreaigh).

I woke up in the night needing a pee, sleepily headed for where the bathroom is at home, and was just coming round as the door clicked shut, leaving me bollock naked in the corridor. It was November and most of the residents in the hotel were French pensioners.

So I bang and bang on the door, but cannot waken the wife who is comatose in bed in the room, guy across the corridor looks out, looks me up and down then closes the door.

I decide I need to go to reception to get a spare key. Go down the lift and the doors open on reception which appears to be made entirely of mirrored glass with the desk at the furthest away point.

Unfortunately they don't tend to put their strongest linguists on the night shift on reception, so after a bit of difficulty managed to convey my predicament to the guy who made me a key, I now need to scuttle across reception making best use I can of my 2 hands to cover my front and back to get back in the lift.

Thankfulky I didn't have to share the lift, as that would've been an awkward journey (who would thank who as the doors opened?).

I went to the room, got in bed and went back to sleep, my wife didn't even find out about it until we woke up at lunchtime the next day.

I've done this on multiple occasions.  When I go away with the missus she now tends to put a suitcase or chair in front of the door to stop me getting out.  Stops the sleepwalking but might not be the smartest thing in the event of a fire.  Years ago I was at Cheltenham with a mate and he woke up at about 4am in the morning with someone knocking the door.  He opened it to see me standing there bollock naked with 2 bags of Jelly Tots and a Twix.  To this day I have no recollection of any of it nor any idea where I picked up the confectionery!! 

[Donaldo87]

22 minutes ago, Fairbairn said:

I've done this on multiple occasions.  When I go away with the missus she now tends to put a suitcase or chair in front of the door to stop me getting out.  Stops the sleepwalking but might not be the smartest thing in the event of a fire.  Years ago I was at Cheltenham with a mate and he woke up at about 4am in the morning with someone knocking the door.  He opened it to see me standing there bollock naked with 2 bags of Jelly Tots and a Twix.  To this day I have no recollection of any of it nor any idea where I picked up the confectionery!! 

[VASCO]

Some of you may remember this. Estonia 2003. Game on Wednesday, but many of us stayed on until Friday, heading home at the weekend.

Loads of us sitting around having a beer in the old town square (before it was westernised), along with a load of schoolkiddies breaking up for summer. Guy on scooter started throwing newspapers all over the place. 

Lo and behold, there's a picture of Stevie Farmer, some wee guy from Bristol and me and my tadger! Female photographer had used a long lens to capture us, even though we were towards the back of the stand. I had been sitting legs akimbo. We were coming back to go to a wedding the following Friday, and we tried to keep it from my wife, but some dozy b@st@rd brought a copy of the paper to the wedding and proceeded to show the picture to everyone.

It doesn't end there, as the next time we were in Tallinn the newspaper reproduce the photie.

[bonzo]

17 hours ago, McTeeko said:

He told the story beautifully though ??

It was a funnier story when chubby brown told it 30 years ago. 

[VASCO]

22 minutes ago, VASCO said:

Some of you may remember this. Estonia 2003. Game on Wednesday, but many of us stayed on until Friday, heading home at the weekend.

Loads of us sitting around having a beer in the old town square (before it was westernised), along with a load of schoolkiddies breaking up for summer. Guy on scooter started throwing newspapers all over the place. 

Lo and behold, there's a picture of Stevie Farmer, some wee guy from Bristol and me and my tadger! Female photographer had used a long lens to capture us, even though we were towards the back of the stand. I had been sitting legs akimbo. We were coming back to go to a wedding the following Friday, and we tried to keep it from my wife, but some dozy b@st@rd brought a copy of the paper to the wedding and proceeded to show the picture to everyone.

It doesn't end there, as the next time we were in Tallinn the newspaper reproduce the photie.

That should, of course, have been 1993!

[aaid]

23 minutes ago, VASCO said:

Some of you may remember this. Estonia 2003. Game on Wednesday, but many of us stayed on until Friday, heading home at the weekend.

Loads of us sitting around having a beer in the old town square (before it was westernised), along with a load of schoolkiddies breaking up for summer. Guy on scooter started throwing newspapers all over the place. 

Lo and behold, there's a picture of Stevie Farmer, some wee guy from Bristol and me and my tadger! Female photographer had used a long lens to capture us, even though we were towards the back of the stand. I had been sitting legs akimbo. We were coming back to go to a wedding the following Friday, and we tried to keep it from my wife, but some dozy b@st@rd brought a copy of the paper to the wedding and proceeded to show the picture to everyone.

It doesn't end there, as the next time we were in Tallinn the newspaper reproduce the photie.

My first away trip outside the UK.    Absolutely brilliant time, that was me completely hooked.

[Orraloon]

4 minutes ago, VASCO said:

That should, of course, have been 1993!

Was that photo not posted on the TAMB a few years back? 

[Ormond]

1 hour ago, bonzo said:

It was a funnier story when chubby brown told it 30 years ago. 

Swear I have never heard of that years ago. @Tartantruck can vouch it's the truth.

[Ormond]

3 hours ago, Larky Masher said:

What a stud.

Anything went when I was younger. If it had a hole and I had a drink in me, I battered in. 

Another time I put the baws to a female bouncer in Perth who looked like Jonah Lomu. I was blootered and She was sober. She stayed in Kirkcaldy so we drove back there. I remember in the morning nearly throwing up when I walked into her bog for a pish as the toilet sink was full of fag ends. The hoose(and her) were vile. Not long after it, while I worked at Tannadice there was a game between Saints and them. I took my mate through to meet my United fan workmates. Sitting in the Snug bar he told them about this thing that looked like Jonah Lomu. He was with me when I initiated the mating dance. The next Monday after the game I rolled into Tannadice where my workmates had all lined up to do the Haka at me. 

@Tartantruck can again vouch. It was him who telt the cvnts. 

Edited July 28, 2017 by Ormond

[ParisInAKilt]

While in first year of nursing I got done with the old Fallopian tubes gag. Sent to another medical ward for a wound pack and some Fallopian tubes. I had an idea I was getting wound up, but still asked for it anyway. Older nursing assistant looked more embarrassed than me when she told me what it was. No wonder I transferred into psych. 

[Tartantruck]

27 minutes ago, Ormond said:

Anything went when I was younger. If it had a hole and I had a drink in me, I battered in. 

Another time I put the baws to a female bouncer in Perth who looked like Jonah Lomu. I was blootered and She was sober. She stayed in Kirkcaldy so we drove back there. I remember in the morning nearly throwing up when I walked into her bog for a pish as the toilet sink was full of fag ends. The hoose(and her) were vile. Not long after it, while I worked at Tannadice there was a game between Saints and them. I took my mate through to meet my United fan workmates. Sitting in the Snug bar he told them about this thing that looked like Jonah Lomu. He was with me when I initiated the mating dance. The next Monday after the game I rolled into Tannadice where my workmates had all lined up to do the Haka at me. 

@Tartantruck can again vouch. It was him who telt the cvnts. 

She was huge! 

.....and I had to give you a tenner before u left with her as " I will probably get horsed oot in the morning and have to get a bus hame" !! 

[Alan]

Always wondered what Jay from "The Inbetweeners" was up to these days.

Lad.

[Ormond]

3 minutes ago, Alan said:

Always wondered what Jay from "The Inbetweeners" was up to these days.

Lad.

Had to Google who that was. You watch that shit?