Fatherhood

[hoofitharder]

One thing is a certainty you will go through every emotion there is.but the highs will outweight the lows.its funny really two of the special moments are when they say their first words and when they take their first steps and then you spent the rest of the time telling them to sit down and shut up.a bit of advice dont tell him what the jingle from the ice cream van is you wont get any peace and quiet if you do

Ian

[hunchy]

14 minutes ago, hoofitharder said:

One thing is a certainty you will go through every emotion there is.but the highs will outweight the lows.its funny really two of the special moments are when they say their first words and when they take their first steps and then you spent the rest of the time telling them to sit down and shut up.a bit of advice dont tell him what the jingle from the ice cream van is you wont get any peace and quiet if you do

Ian

Lol already started telling him it means it's run out of ice cream

[Huddersfield]

You need to start planning now really for the important things in years to come. Season tickets and replica shirts aren't cheap these days, so put a bit aside.

Seriously though, really make the most of it, even when things are tough. My two are 25 & 22 now & I would wind the clock back to their younger days, especially with the benefit of hindsight, in the blink of an eye.

[Grim Jim]

1 hour ago, hunchy said:

Well as it's almost 2 years since i started this thread i thought I'd share what i have learned in the time and the laughs he has given us.

Firstly don't go with the thought that baby has to be in a crib or Moses basket for the first few months. Our wee finlay (got my way with the Scottish name lol) hated the Moses basket. Tried everything from swaddling and nesting to hot water bottles before he went in. After about 3 weeks of sleepless nights my other half was putting stuff away in his nursery and piped him in his big for so he would be safe after a few minutes she wondered why he wasn't making any noise so checked on him to find him speed eagled and fast asleep. So straight out to the shops to get a monitor and he has been in his cot since.

Don't let the midwives push your other half to Brest feed. We were lucky in that fin was happy to take breast or bottle so when he started loosing weight due to my other half not producing enough he went onto the bottle no problem.

Fecking clothes. Why does every shop that sells baby clothes have to have there own size ratio. We were getting things from one place for his age but it would be too wee or would drown him. Why can't there be a standardised size guide

Don't watch your favorite team play on TV when baby is on your lap sleeping the scream they give from the fright you give them when you jump and shout out when they score is not worth it.

Talk your other half into going to a baby group near by. There is usually one at the local library. She might not feel up to it and might not like going up without her slap on but it gives them a break away from the house and interacting with folk going through the same things you are and know how you are feeling.

As someone posted before it's the small things that bring the biggest smiles. Old wee fin said dada from an early age his mum hated it as that's all he would say till about 16 Ian months. Even now it's wee things that make me smile. I had tears in my eye when he first pointed to our house when i asked him where are we 

Don't get too worried if they are slow to talk compared with others of there age. Fin still doesn't say many words but at nursery his problem solving is way ahead of everyone else in his age group.

The worst thing for me is having to do shift work so when I'm back shift i don't get to see him much. To sort of make up for it when I'm on days or nights i make sure i do his bedtime routine. So changed and into his sleepsuit then on to daddy's lap for cuddles while he has his last bottle then into his gro-bag and away to bed.

Best things we got for him

Ewan the dream sheep. A cuddly toy that plays sounds to sooth and a red glow for nights

Gro-bag    basically a sleeping bag with no sleeves so baby can't kick it off and stays nice and cozy

Inflatable duck bath. Goes in the bath and gives baby a safe place to have a bath once they can sit unaided. Has a heat spot so you know if the water is too hot and means you use less water. Might be we are lucky but as soon as you say bath to fin he is straight to the stairs all excited

Hardest part of the first 2 years has been dealing with fins ear troubles. He has had ear infections on and off since about march last year. As time went on they got closer and closer together. After countless visits to the docs they finally referee us to the ent clinic who have now recommended putting grommets in and adenoids out. Sent us to the pediatric doc just to make sure there was no underlying problems. All clear from him today so just the wait now for his op. Been a struggle trying to cope with him. Up untill a couple of weeks ago he wouldn't sleep through the night in his cot. Would go down fine but would wake up in the middle of the night and wouldn't settle untill he was in with us. Some times he would still not fully settle even then. This we think is is down to his ears giving him pain. Doesn't help that he doesn't cry with pain but gets angry and his behaviour goes down hill

Where the feck were you when we needed you?

We were a bit ahead of you, and having weans was the least qualified I was for anything.   Completely cocked it up but hey, ho.

Lots of us have problems, but others have worse.   I mind lovely wee weans in Yorkhill with terrible problems that paled ours into insignificance.   Of course want best for our own, and I feel for you.   Things will get better!

In saying that... as the feckers get bigger, I swear...    That's it.   I just swear...

 

Gro-bag;  I want one of those for myself.   Oor wee nephew (another Fin!) looks so comfy     But does yon dream sheep affect his future football allegiance?   Please let us know down the way.

 

[hunchy]

11 minutes ago, Grim Jim said:

Where the feck were you when we needed you?

We were a bit ahead of you, and having weans was the least qualified I was for anything.   Completely cocked it up but hey, ho.

Lots of us have problems, but others have worse.   I mind lovely wee weans in Yorkhill with terrible problems that paled ours into insignificance.   Of course want best for our own, and I feel for you.   Things will get better!

In saying that... as the feckers get bigger, I swear...    That's it.   I just swear...

 

Gro-bag;  I want one of those for myself.   Oor wee nephew (another Fin!) looks so comfy     But does yon dream sheep affect his future football allegiance?   Please let us know down the way.

 

No way will it affect his football allegiance I've been singing paper roses to him since he was born lol. He i think i will be the same as he gets older and just swear he is already stubborn as an ox lol gona be some fine battle of wills between us to come.

[iainmac1]

Since this topic I've had a second child, a daughter to go with my son. She is 1 on Friday and he is 3 at end of April. 

So much harder work with two of them! 

[hunchy]

Congrats Iain. He don't think we could cope having both fin and a newborn

[Grim Jim]

Away with ye man! My maw was one of seven and my gran (on the other side), one of eleven.

Actually 10 weans and a grandwean brought up as an "uncle" of my dad.   Feckin' complicated, but probably not uncommon, and all fine and good.

But hard work or for someone

[they've_been_suckered]

Interesting reading, expecting my first in August so all the advice is great stuff 

[Reevesy]

1 hour ago, they've_been_suckered said:

Interesting reading, expecting my first in August so all the advice is great stuff 

Congratulations mate. Never knew that.

You can listen to all the advice in the world but when it's your own, you'll be amazed at how natural you take to it.

Only advice I would give is make sure you stock up on the wee yellow cartons of milk for the night feeds as opposed to having to get up and boil the kettle for formula bottles lol. 

[hunchy]

1 hour ago, they've_been_suckered said:

Interesting reading, expecting my first in August so all the advice is great stuff 

Congrats buddy

It is both the most scary and the most rewarding time of your life. One tip i will give is start stocking up on nappies and baby wipes just now. When ever you see them on offer get some as you have no idea how many you will go through

Apart from that i hope it all goes well and the mother has an easy pregnancy. If she is unlucky enough to suffer from hg give us a shout as my other half went through it and got sick to death of folk giving well meaning but totally wrong advice due to not knowing what hg was

[they've_been_suckered]

7 hours ago, Reevesy said:

Congratulations mate. Never knew that.

You can listen to all the advice in the world but when it's your own, you'll be amazed at how natural you take to it.

Only advice I would give is make sure you stock up on the wee yellow cartons of milk for the night feeds as opposed to having to get up and boil the kettle for formula bottles lol. 

Cheers ??

2 of my mates are expecting too so it's a bit of a weird time for the group of lads. There's some who are still chronically single so outlooks at the weekends are vastly different at the moment  

7 hours ago, hunchy said:

Congrats buddy

It is both the most scary and the most rewarding time of your life. One tip i will give is start stocking up on nappies and baby wipes just now. When ever you see them on offer get some as you have no idea how many you will go through

Apart from that i hope it all goes well and the mother has an easy pregnancy. If she is unlucky enough to suffer from hg give us a shout as my other half went through it and got sick to death of folk giving well meaning but totally wrong advice due to not knowing what hg was

I had to google that there lol. Not seen anything like that as yet so hopefully it's not an issue. 

[Reevesy]

20 minutes ago, they've_been_suckered said:

Cheers ??

2 of my mates are expecting too so it's a bit of a weird time for the group of lads. There's some who are still chronically single so outlooks at the weekends are vastly different at the moment  

 

Funny you should say that cos there was 4 of us all had our first between July and December 2014. Think it helped the girls more than it did us mind you.

Only ever went to one anti natal class bu,to be honest, didn't feel that we got much from it. Some people probably do though. Hopefully she'll get the birthing plan that she prefers. My missus requested a water birth both times but wasn't able to due to having to be induced with my daughter and was too far dilated by the time we got up with my son.

[they've_been_suckered]

On 14/03/2017 at 7:56 AM, Reevesy said:

Funny you should say that cos there was 4 of us all had our first between July and December 2014. Think it helped the girls more than it did us mind you.

Only ever went to one anti natal class bu,to be honest, didn't feel that we got much from it. Some people probably do though. Hopefully she'll get the birthing plan that she prefers. My missus requested a water birth both times but wasn't able to due to having to be induced with my daughter and was too far dilated by the time we got up with my son.

The wife is approaching half way stage, not experienced any hassle so far!

have got the second coat of paint in (it's) room tomorrow. Grey. Don't ask - her choice. 

[ThistleWhistle]

 

_{I loved this thread when it was on the go as it was great reading all the proud new dad stories so thought I’d resurrect it to share the mixed bag that was Father’s Day in the Whistle zoo.}   

 

_{It got off to a flyer when I awoke to find Hazel from work straddling me and slapping my face with her wondrously pendulous bosom.  Suddenly worried that Mrs Whistle may appear at any time with my once a year bacon-butty-in-bed I was about to chuck Hazel out of the window as a divorce seems very time consuming.  However, the voice at the back of my brain reassured me this was just a dream and so long as we didn’t wake the big voice at the front I’d be asleep for a few minutes yet.  My slight concern of being schizophrenic was soon knocked out of me as her left tit skelped me in the coupon whilst she accosted me for never refilling the office kettle nor wiping up stray coffee granules after myself.  Now I know for a cast iron fact that it’s the lad whom sits at the desk opposite who is the guilty party but I am no grass so settled in to take my punishment like a man.  Thereafter though it got a bit autoerotic for my liking as she totally smothered me with them thus I felt a distinct, although not wholly unpleasant, inability to breath.  Suddenly front voice pipes up ‘Well done ya fanny – you didn’t have sex for a month when you cheated on her in her dream so if she’s heard you gumming on about Hazel from the office’s jugs the crazy bitch will likely be suffocating you!’  Given my diary on Monday was two horrible meetings and a dull presentation interspersed with idiotic colleagues finding new and ingenious ways of being stupid death under misconceived mammoth mammary glands was quite appealing however; the pressure momentarily abated, and experiencing a surge in my desire to live, writhed for all my worth.}

 

_{“Hello Daddy” says my 2 ½ year old with a pillow a foot from my face.} 

 

_{“How did you escape?” I groggily enquire trying to adjust to reality as there is a four-foot fence specifically in place to keep her within the confines of her toy laden prison that I’m now semi-considering running a small electrical current through.}   

 

_{“What that?” she asks in response and, although she is obviously versed in physical escape artistry I doubt she is being Socratic in order to evade metaphorically so I’m about to point out answering a question with a question is poor form unless she harbours aspirations of becoming Prime Minister when I suddenly realise in my fight for survival I have wriggled the duvet off of me thus showing off the morning glory fully blazing within my football shorts.} 

 

_{I promised my daughter when she was a few days old I would never lie to her which, although this scenario could never have been envisaged, is still bloody stupid.  Instead scrambling for a plausible post-truth variant so she can become accustomed to the lie infested shithole we’ll hand down, I tell her it is my phone.}

 

_{‘Whistle-Annie want video’ she squeals all excited and shit gets real very quickly because she leaps towards my right honourable member with both hands out. I have only one option open to me because even I’m savvy enough in parenting to know this is social worker territory so I spin over as quickly as possible and only just in time given the wee lass is like a cheetah fuelled on pure glucose.  Unfortunately, we’ve just replaced the mattress with a new Tempur one after reading about them on here and there is absolutely zero give as I stub, then friction burn, my bell-end on it.  I bury my head in the pillow like a petrified ostrich hoping her usually minute attention span will kick in and we can leave this incident behind us relatively unscathed.}

 

_{‘MUMMY, MUMMY, MUMMY’} 

 

_Nothing

 

_{‘MUMMY,MUMMY,MUMMY’}

 

_{I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I’m still nursing a lob-on.}

 

_{‘Daddy no share phone Mummy’ – grassing wee dick must get it from her mum.}       

 

_{‘Stop being a B.A.W.B.A.G. daddy and give her your phone’.}

 

_{I get in trouble if I swear in front of the wee lass, especially when driving, which I totally accept but my wife suffers from the misnomer that it is ok if you spell them out instead.  She can deal with this when it invariably comes home to roost – imagine in 7-8 years’ time when the headmaster rings to say during an end of term games day Whistle-Annie was playing Scrabble and she took her opponent’s word ‘LOCKS’ before attaching ‘BOL’ to the front of it.  I’m not confident I’d chastise the profanity or praise the quality of her Scrabbling especially if it hit a treble word score, getting 15 for the ‘K’ alone so this is all mum’s to deal with.}

 

_{‘It’s not my phone – I must have needed a wee’ I try to explain}

_{‘B.O.L.L.O.C.K.S. bet you were dreaming about Hazel again; you must have moaned on about her six times since that leaving doo a few weeks back-even humped my leg one night’  I stuck my face back in the pillow to hide my disappointment and frustration at not remembering any of these dreamy dalliances.}

_{‘Deny it quickly’ shouts back brain voice but I’ve missed the window.}

_{‘I wish I had a body like Hazel’}

_{From the safety of my pillow I mumble ‘so do I’}

_{‘WHAT’ screams the bat eared wife and realising tonight’s Father’s Day Parade is in serious jeopardy of cancellation I attempt reconciliation}

_{‘I love your body – you know I think the lopsided one is adorable’}

_{‘I’m piloting a moron’ states front of brain voice.}             

 

At this moment I feel an envelope bounce off my head and inside is a card confirming I’m the best dad in the world; there is a cup with a ‘1’ on and everything.  Even I realise there has probably been some mistake at the awarding panel given:

Dad 1 travels 30 miles a day to get clean drinking water;

Dad 2 donated a kidney then ran a marathon

Dad 3 got his kids out of Syria and in to a safe haven

Dad 4 pranged his wang in the mattress to save his daughter from touching it. 

But looking at my daughter now flying a dolly around like it is a spaceship I think how special my life has become since 2014 and how I want to become the very best me I can be for the benefit of her. 

‘Here have mummy’s phone’ says my wife like a fully trained UN negotiator

 I look at my daughter, an absolute bundle of magic, and think ‘I unreservedly love you’.

 ‘Wow mummy phone bigger than daddy phone’

‘No it F.U.C.K.I.N.G. isn’t!’

And her mum shouts at me again.  I counter that we’ve been worried that she has a slight squint, my eyes are a bit dodgy and poor depth perception meant I was rubbish at coming for crosses in the goal so maybe she has the same and we should get it looked at.  I now get a look that confirms tonight’s parade is off, so to the all you can eat anniversary buffet, and she takes the phone back from the wee lass which seemed a strange manoeuvre until my phone pinged:

‘If you ****ing think I’m ****ing going to Spec Savers to say we think she needs ****ing glasses because she didn’t realise her dad’s cock was a centimetre and a ****ing half bigger than a mobile you’re a ****ing reprobate!’

‘Come on – it’s at least a good two; two and a half’ but her eyes are twitching now so I’m not pushing any further and the voices seem to have left me to deal with this on my own. 

‘I want to swear then throw it at you but you’ll just use it to measure and I’ll be picking stray pubes off the screen later’

‘She might have squint tits but she knows you’ says the internal voices in unison and I concur that is worth more than a set of wondrously pendulous boobies just about.

We then had an awkward breakfast but did loads of dad stuff after and it was awesome.     

 

Edited June 20, 2017 by ThistleWhistle

[Dave78]

Brilliant as always ThistleWhistle. Happy belated father's day 

[ShedTA]

On ‎05‎/‎05‎/‎2015 at 8:42 PM, Angus_Young said:

Same for me actually. You pick it up easy enough.

We were also adamant about not using dummies. She is starting to teeth though and it definitely helps sooth her.

It's a good point actually because everyone has their own ideas about absolutely everything. It's all about what works for you eh.

For teething try a cold carrot. Ideal.

[Alan]

Bottle Feeding.  Buy this machine.  I have 2 kids under 2.  This has saved us a lot of pain and those who had kids before this machine are bowled over by it.

Makes a bottle in 2 mins.

https://www.tommeetippee.co.uk/perfectprepanswers