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Because It's Nearly Friday


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Guy goes to the docs and is told his usual doctor is off sick and has been replaced by a female locum.

He explains that his problem in "delicate" and would rather see a man but as he has no choice he agrees to see the woman.

He gets called in and says to the doctor "I've got a problem with my penis doctor I think you ought to have a look".

She tells him to drop his trousers.

After a couple of minutes she says to him "well, I can tell you this Mr. Smith, you're going to have to stop the masturbating"

"Why is that?" Asks the guy, to which the doc replies "because I'm trying to examine you!"

:lol:

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A man goes into the doctor to complain about his penis. The doctors asks him what seems to be the issue.

"Well, it's like this," says the man, removing his trousers. "As you can see, my penis is very inflamed but also it has turned orange."

"Sir, do you have any odd hobbies?" the doctor asks.

"Not really doc," answers the man, "Except from watching porn all day and eating Wotsits."

Edited by Ormond
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  • 2 weeks later...

Bloke walks into the doctors and says "it's my penis doctor. I think you better have a look at it'.

The guy gets it out and the doc gives it a thorough examination then says to the guy "I'm sorry sir, but I can't see anything wrong with it".

The guy replies "I know. It's a feckin beauty isn't it!"

:ok: My all time top favourite joke

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Bloke walks into the doctors and says "it's my penis doctor. I think you better have a look at it'.

The guy gets it out and the doc gives it a thorough examination then says to the guy "I'm sorry sir, but I can't see anything wrong with it".

The guy replies "I know. It's a feckin beauty isn't it!"

In contrast :

Bob goes to the doctor and says : " It's embarrassing Doctor so please don't laugh!"

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now...what seems to be the problem?"

Bob replied : "It's swollen,"

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:lol:

"Look, you're my best friend so i have to be honest, Movember went and Decembeard passed, now please, it's January, shave that ridiculous mustache and beard off, you look like a ."

I got such a slap, that's the last time i tell my wife she's my best friend.

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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he
knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean
2.5 gallons?'
The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and
beautiful again.'
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?'
The blonde said, 'No, just up to my t*ts. I can splash it on my eyes.'

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A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up. Where's the ship?"

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  • 2 weeks later...

A guy goes the Doctors with a bit of lettuce sticking out of his backside.

Is it serious he asks the doctor?

That's only the tip of the iceberg.

u and I need to meet up. Love yer jokes mate. This one will be used tonight in Lithgae!!! (unless copyright of course)

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:ok: All jokes are copied and pasted from somewhere and/or old jokes told over the years.

Was used Fringo. I know this is an old one but..........

A man walks in to the butchers and says doctor I keep thinking I am a moth. Guy says I think you are looking for next door. He says ok. What brought you in here. Your light was on.

Is that worth a ban???

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Was used Fringo. I know this is an old one but..........

A man walks in to the butchers and says doctor I keep thinking I am a moth. Guy says I think you are looking for next door. He says ok. What brought you in here. Your light was on.

Is that worth a ban???

why was the doctor in the butchers?
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