jock strap Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 If your sat on the cludgie and you've run out of toilet roll with nobody in the house, what's your best options ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin4 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Email Admin. We're here to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jock strap Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 Have you got toilet roll ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin4 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 With all the shite we have to take on here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jock strap Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 Obviously got hunners of the stuff then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fish Supper Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 (edited) That depends on which toilet you are in! Is it the WC or is it the bathroom, If the WC prior preparation and planning would have seen you stock the small cupboard with reserve supply! a short lean to the left or right should see you right! If the Bathroom then you may have a far further reach to the under sink cupboard, if this is indeed the case there is no other option than to kick off the troosers and skiddies, clench the cheeks and try to step into the shower/bath without releasing said cheek clench, once there release clench turn on water and douse. P.S. Replenish said toilet roll before departing area. Edited October 21, 2016 by Fish Supper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The White Ceelo Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Breeks up and have a shower on Sunday as normal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duncan II Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 3 hours ago, jock strap said: If your sat on the cludgie and you've run out of toilet roll with nobody in the house, what's your best options ? On your phone while having a jobby? Eurgh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larky Masher Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 5 minutes ago, duncan II said: On your phone while having a jobby? Eurgh. And if he's simply been reading the paper then there would have been no problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euan2020 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 check wallet for any paper receipts you can use Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cove_Sheep Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Do you not have a Utd top? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Is there not a toilet brush handy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil r Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Wait unti the cat wanders in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim Jim Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 You're not old enough for a bi-annual stool check are you? Use the cardboard tube as a scraper? Dunno what to do with it afterwards though, as you not have an envelope there to post it in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim Jim Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 ...or ! Flush once, then pretend you're on a bidet. Some say it's what your left hand is for! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deecie Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Happened to me the other day, I just used one of my spare Scotland end tickets for Wembley - then put it in the bin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 1 hour ago, deecie said: Happened to me the other day, I just used one of my spare Scotland end tickets for Wembley - then put it in the bin. You are better using £20 notes. I think the clydesdale bank ones are the most absorbent. And they are washable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deecie Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 36 minutes ago, Orraloon said: You are better using £20 notes. I think the clydesdale bank ones are the most absorbent. And they are washable. I don't carry small notes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mindimoo Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I'm getting an advert for men's underwear at the top of this thread. Maybe that's the answer. Use your underwear in lieu of toilet roll then buy some new ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 8 minutes ago, Mindimoo said: I'm getting an advert for men's underwear at the top of this thread. Maybe that's the answer. Use your underwear in lieu of toilet roll then buy some new ones. They are washable too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiefaetheferry Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 7 hours ago, Fish Supper said: That depends on which toilet you are in! Is it the WC or is it the bathroom, If the WC prior preparation and planning would have seen you stock the small cupboard with reserve supply! a short lean to the left or right should see you right! If the Bathroom then you may have a far further reach to the under sink cupboard, if this is indeed the case there is no other option than to kick off the troosers and skiddies, clench the cheeks and try to step into the shower/bath without releasing said cheek clench, once there release clench turn on water and douse. P.S. Replenish said toilet roll before departing area. Thread about shite ? Ayr United fan turns out to be an expert ? Shockeroonie ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim Jim Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Last posted here 10hr ago. Are you OK Del? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 This is one reason why it's better to have a carpet in your cludgie instead of lino. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ormond Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Skoosh it away fae yer sphincter wae the Toilet Duck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 16 minutes ago, Ormond said: Skoosh it away fae yer sphincter wae the Toilet Duck. If he has got a duck in his toilet he could just wipe his erse on it. Duck feathers must be almost as good as rabbit fur. Seems a bit weird keeping ducks in your toilet, like. Mind you, folk in Fintry keep donkeys in their baths so anything is possible, I suppose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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