Ormond Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 1 minute ago, Orraloon said: If he has got a duck in his toilet he could just wipe his erse on it. Duck feathers must be almost as good as rabbit fur. Seems a bit weird keeping ducks in your toilet, like. Mind you, folk in Fintry keep donkeys in their baths so anything is possible, I suppose. I keep my Wife in my bath. Happiest place for a hungry hippo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 3 minutes ago, Ormond said: I keep my Wife in my bath. Happiest place for a hungry hippo. Do you just get her to give you a wipe with the sponge when you are finished? Would save on toilet roll, right enough. Lesson to be learnt here for Mr Strap? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ormond Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Just now, Orraloon said: Do you just get her to give you a wipe with the sponge when you are finished? Would save on toilet roll, right enough. Lesson to be learnt here for Mr Strap? I do ghost jobbies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euan2020 Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 (edited) http://www.afc-chat.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=40451 Don't understand folk who only shyte in their own hoose I remember 1 lassie at work who said she just held it in full day - or some folk who leave work to drive home for a shyte Vice versa some folk don't like folk using their toilets 1 of my friends tries to ban me from shitting in his bathroom, and only pee, but just ignore him - ha ha also folk who have tradesman in their house, and complain about them using the toilet - where the hell do they expect them to go what's skanky is at work, and folk are in the cludgie - and you hear them taking business calls - feel like shouting out as i run out door "He's having a shyte" - nae chance of getting caught - office of 400 Edited October 22, 2016 by euan2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dandydunn Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 18 hours ago, Larky Masher said: And if he's simply been reading the paper then there would have been no problem. Have you ever tried wiping your arse with an iPhone?? Hence the query. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kumnio Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Having been caught short a few times, I've had to use domestos bleach wipes before, well, that's quite a painful sting you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim Jim Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 http://analbleachingguide.com/at-home-diy/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duncan Blackheart Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Toilet paper, eh? And you like to call yourself a true follower... http://thehumanist.com/voices/rules_are_for_schmucks/rules-schmucks-islam-vs-toilet-paper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euan2020 Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hate having to consider to shyte in aeroplanes, 1 time on flight back from Nigeria, this old nigerian woman, pushed past me to go to the toilet, queue jumping I'm guessing she never used a plane toilet before, because in the middle of her shyteing, the door slew open, so was not locked. how do i know she was shitting rather than pissing, - cos she never flushed the toilet, which was another clue she never used plane toilet before - was stinking as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 (edited) On 21/10/2016 at 10:16 AM, Admin4 said: Email Admin. We're here to help. On 21/10/2016 at 10:30 AM, Admin4 said: With all the shite we have to take on here? PS when you previously mentioned using the "contact us" button to folk, I never imagined there was THAT type of contact ! Edited October 24, 2016 by fringo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rossy Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Hard to believe that someone from Dundee doesn't have a bidet in his caravan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 1 hour ago, Duncan Blackheart said: Toilet paper, eh? And you like to call yourself a true follower... http://thehumanist.com/voices/rules_are_for_schmucks/rules-schmucks-islam-vs-toilet-paper No mention about whether it's acceptable to use your phone whist in the cludgie having been caught out with no cleaning facilities? I think Jock Strap has decided to flush himself down the toilet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ormond Posted October 24, 2016 Share Posted October 24, 2016 3 hours ago, Rossy said: Hard to believe that someone from Dundee doesn't have a bidet in his caravan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jock strap Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 On 21/10/2016 at 2:04 PM, duncan II said: On your phone while having a jobby? Eurgh. I think you'll find that reading your iPhone is cool in comparison to reading a , exscuse the pun, reading a big standard paper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jock strap Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 On 21/10/2016 at 9:10 PM, Grim Jim said: Last posted here 10hr ago. Are you OK Del? Jim, many thanks for your concerns mate, well appreciated. I was there that long my battery on my phone died and then I got worried. The save my arse story will be raised another time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDYER63 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 On 22 October 2016 at 1:58 AM, euan2020 said: http://www.afc-chat.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=40451 Don't understand folk who only shyte in their own hoose I remember 1 lassie at work who said she just held it in full day - or some folk who leave work to drive home for a shyte Vice versa some folk don't like folk using their toilets 1 of my friends tries to ban me from shitting in his bathroom, and only pee, but just ignore him - ha ha also folk who have tradesman in their house, and complain about them using the toilet - where the hell do they expect them to go what's skanky is at work, and folk are in the cludgie - and you hear them taking business calls - feel like shouting out as i run out door "He's having a shyte" - nae chance of getting caught - office of 400 I can understand that. I go to Debenhams in Argyle street , their noisy hand dryers are a great distraction . Work toilets are way too quiet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euan2020 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Just now, TDYER63 said: I can understand that. I go to Debenhams in Argyle street , their noisy hand dryers are a great distraction . Work toilets are way too quiet. why ? worried folk will hear ? I'm nae fussed if someone hears farting and shyting noises in toilet - its what you would expect to hear - I'd be more inclined to avoid debenhams due to the high volumes of traffic of arses on seats there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDYER63 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 1 minute ago, euan2020 said: why ? worried folk will hear ? I'm nae fussed if someone hears farting and shyting noises in toilet - its what you would expect to hear - I'd be more inclined to avoid debenhams due to the high volumes of traffic of arses on seats there Thats women for you. We would rather catch a life threatening illness than have a workmate hear an unexpected poop. I have a friend who has been married 40 yrs and her husband had never heard her fart. I do find that weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orraloon Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 25 minutes ago, TDYER63 said: Thats women for you. We would rather catch a life threatening illness than have a workmate hear an unexpected poop. I have a friend who has been married 40 yrs and her husband had never heard her fart. I do find that weird. I think you'll find, that is what he has been told to say. Everybody farts. If you don't fart you die. And even then, dead folk can, and do, fart. One of my pals used to work in a mortuary. He said the nightshift took a bit of getting used to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDYER63 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 22 minutes ago, Orraloon said: I think you'll find, that is what he has been told to say. Everybody farts. If you don't fart you die. And even then, dead folk can, and do, fart. One of my pals used to work in a mortuary. He said the nightshift took a bit of getting used to. She does fart, just not in front of him. She just holds it in. I do believe her, she is quite old fashioned that way. As a mark of respect to my husband I dont clip my toenails into his dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euan2020 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 1 hour ago, TDYER63 said: Thats women for you. We would rather catch a life threatening illness than have a workmate hear an unexpected poop. I have a friend who has been married 40 yrs and her husband had never heard her fart. I do find that weird. ah - i thought you were a bloke when discussing - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euan2020 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 1 hour ago, TDYER63 said: Thats women for you. We would rather catch a life threatening illness than have a workmate hear an unexpected poop. I have a friend who has been married 40 yrs and her husband had never heard her fart. I do find that weird. saying that - women are bitchy I remember back in the day, some of the women in the bank, where i worked complaining that 1 of them was stinking in the toilet - guys would be laughing and boasting about their mates having to smell their shyte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDYER63 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 9 minutes ago, euan2020 said: ah - i thought you were a bloke when discussing - No worries. Its debatable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark frae Crieff Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 On 21/10/2016 at 9:10 PM, Grim Jim said: Last posted here 10hr ago. Are you OK Del? Reminds me of this... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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