bremner Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 a pal of mine has just returned from africa and he can`t stop buying raffle tickets.doctors have said he`s contracted tombola Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairbairn Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Apparently former Birmingham and Coventry striker Dele Adebola had to take to his Twitter account to assure his followers that he hadn't contracted Ebola....... Sadly, this isn't actually a joke...... http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/news-and-comment/ebola-crisis-former-birmingham-city-striker-dele-adebola-reassures-fans-he-does-not-have-ebola-9788418.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ger intae them Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Had too many ciders last night..... Woke up with strongbola. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
86glebestreet Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Had too many ciders last night..... Woke up with strongbola. Should have stuck to coca bola then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andreimack Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 a pal of mine has just returned from africa and he can`t stop buying raffle tickets.doctors have said he`s contracted tombola I laughed at that, cheers ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bremner Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 yer ok andreimack just trying to put smiles on credit crunched faces Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brant grebner Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 What do you call a Castilian with an underwear fetish? Señor Panties Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of Paisley Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Guy goes into a butchers. 'Do you have a sheep's heid'? 'Naw, it's just the dodgy parting I have'................................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
86glebestreet Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Guy goes into a butchers. 'Do you have a sheep's heid'? 'Naw, it's just the dodgy parting I have'................................... Haa Haa Haa Haa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McTeeko Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Lad goes into the chemist and on the counter is a wee pile of white powder. "What's that?" he asks the pharmacist. "Askit" he replies. "What are ye wee white powder??" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittymeister Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 A man goes into the Bakers, points at the display and says "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?" The Baker replies "You're right the first time, it's a doughnut ". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairbairn Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Guy walks in to a butchers, points to 2 cuts of ribeye on the very top shelf and says to the butcher "I'll bet you £500 you can't get them down without using a ladder". The butcher replies "Nah, the steaks are too high". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wibble Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Fella goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine." "Have you ever worked for the public service before?" "Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles". The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am and carry on starting at 10.00am every day." The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know" "What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bollocks... ... so there's no point in you coming in for that." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jailender Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armchair Bob Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 You can spot the orangemen in West Africa. They wear ebola hats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Did you hear about the Mexican train killer ? He had locomotives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black'n'tan Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 The Zimbabwe Cricket Board have just announced that they have found Ebola in their team. This has not caused any concern as they have also found Ebatsman and Efielda in their team as well....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marky Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 What do you call an Irish school bully? Liam Malone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marky Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Did ye here about the lonely prisoner? He was in ees cell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marky Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 How can you tell which coo in the field is on its holidays? It's the one wi the wee calf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of Paisley Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Cliff Richard is playing a gig in Tokyo. Crowd starts chanting ' Cliff Cliff. Itchy Fanny, Itchy Fanny'!!! Cliff is a bit bemused by this, but looks to his backing group and starts whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Cliff goes ' OK Tokyo, take it away, one, two, three............... 'Itchy Fanny, how we don't talk anymore'......................................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittymeister Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 A trainspotters fell in front of a steam engine. He was chuffed to bits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armchair Bob Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 So I entered ten jokes to the joke competition, hoping to win first prize. However, no pun in ten did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bzzzz Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Cliff Richard is playing a gig in Tokyo. Crowd starts chanting ' Cliff Cliff. Itchy Fanny, Itchy Fanny'!!! Cliff is a bit bemused by this, but looks to his backing group and starts whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Cliff goes ' OK Tokyo, take it away, one, two, three............... 'Itchy Fanny, how we don't talk anymore'......................................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.