Tup "O" The North Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Two pensioners are enjoying oral sex together. The old man says, "I can't stay down here any longer, it stinks"! The old lady replies, "It's my arthritis". The old man says, "Arthritis, in your vagina" "No", says the lady, "It's in my shoulder. I can't wipe my erse"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grantyboy1983 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Why didn't the skeleton get on the bus? Coz he was skint!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armchair Bob Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Here's a fusion joke, containing elements of five other jokes. As a result, it should be five times funnier than any normal joke. Two skeletons are enjoying oral sex together, when he notices a piece of paper hanging out her pocket, and starts plucking out her pubic hairs. Suddenly a voice from the cupboard says, " the bees!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kumnio Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 How do you tell people from Dubai and Abu Dhabi apart? People from Dubai dont like The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do. Sorry.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_burger Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 How do you tell people from Dubai and Abu Dhabi apart? People from Dubai dont like The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do. Sorry.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Whits white and wears tartan troosers? Rupert the fridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Col Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 what's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Col Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 When I was young I was made to walk the plank, We couldn't afford a dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 what's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! What's orange and sounds like a parrot ? A carrot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serbo69 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 What's brown and quacks? Donald Mince Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huddersfield Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me? ' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids'.His mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my arse with wet celery'???She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.' What do you call a colour blind butcher ?Graham. A bloke takes 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow,the expert examines them and asks"do you know what they'd fetch if they were in good condition ?" The man replies"yes,sticks" Uwe Rosler sees an elderly woman struggling out of Tesco with a load of bags. "Can you manage?" he says. "F**k off" she replies "you got in this mess so you can get yourself out of it". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Whits black and white and bounces..... A rubber nun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I got an odd-job man in.He was useless.Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?” The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirk Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 What's brown and quacks? Donald Mince That shouldn't have been as funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 How dae you get 4 elephants in a mini? 2 in the front 2 in the back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 How dae you ken if an elephant hus been in your fridge? There's footprints in the butter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 How dae you ken if there's been 2 elephants in your fridge? There's 2 sets of footprints in the butter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 How dae you ken if there's been 3 elephants in your fridge? There's 3 sets of footprints in the butter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 There's a mini parked outside Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonzo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 How dae you ken if there's been 4 elephants in your fridge? There's a mini parked ootside Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fringo Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Sorry bonzo - I jumped the gun there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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