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It's all been pretty heavy around here for some time now with all the referendum business so whilst we regroup for the final attack I thought I'd try and lighten the mood a wee bit..

I love changing the lyrics on songs cos it's silly and funny.

What's your favourite misheard/amusing song lyric?... I'll start with a couple...

"I'm a steamer"

"I'm a big fat b@st@rt"

Edited by Bzzzz
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"all about that bass, no treble" is "all about that cage, no gerbil" according to my six-year-old daughter.

Beelzebub has a devil on a sideboard

My mate used to interpret the line "save him his life from this monstrosity" in Bohemian Rhapsody as "spare him some time with these warm sausages".

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Used to think when I was a tot that Madonna was singing, "Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over Bill Oddie."

Another Madonna one for me, the opening line to La Isla Bontia is 'Last night I dreamt of San Pedro', which I used to think to was 'Last night I dreamt of some Dago' :blink: In my defence, I was only 10 or 11 :oops:

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Is this the real life, is it the methadone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine an' talk wi' a whine like me.
Um just a weeji, gie us yer Sunny D.
Cos I'll chib yer pal, rip yer Da; slash yer dug, ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows
Disnae really mater tae me......tae me.

Haw Maw, just chibbed some bam,
Buckie bottle tae the heid,
An noo the f*ckin' b*stard's deid!
Haw Maw, Um just oan parole,
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee....

Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh,
Never meant tae steal yer purse,
But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'.
Carry oot, carry oot!
An we'll go oot oan the batter!

Too late, the bailiff's here,
Sends shivers doon ma spine,
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time.
Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go,
Got tae go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme.
Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh
I'm a jakey bam, I sometimes think I've never been washed at all

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AMERICAN PIE.,.

Long long time ago,
I can still remember how
Those weeji bampots made me laugh,
And I know if I had a chance
To see those Neds and Sengas dance,
I'd laugh my arse off once again.

'Cos don't they realise it's not clever,
Drinking Buckfast doon the river,
Tucked in trackie bottoms,
They look just rotten!
I can't remember if cried
When I saw these bams in East Kilbride,
But it ammused me deep inside,
The day the mucker thrived!

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"

Did you write the book of shite
"Can I borrow ten bob, gonnae gee'za light?"
Bugger off yer full o' pish!
Oh and do you belive in hard core techno?
Huv ye gubbed 5 ectos fur a night at the Metro?
A can you teach me how to speak reeeaaallll slow?!

You can tell that she's in love wi' him,
'Cos he's fae Ibrox and she's a Tim,
They both kicked off their socks
And those manky old Reeboks.
He was a scrawny youth with a GAP pull over,
A sovvy ring and a stolen Nova,
They fell in love when he muff dove 'er,
The day the muckers thrived....

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"

Now for ten years you've been on the dole,
Hingin' aboot at the Paisley Toll,
And that's just how it's always been.
When the mucker screamed at the Polis van,
In a coat he'd stolen fae TopMan,
And a fag that came from you or me.

But while the cop was looking dapper,
The wee bam chibbed him on the napper,
Dressed all in Kappa clobber,
As he shouted, "suck ma dobber!".
While wee Tam stole a shirt fae 'Mark's',
And Boab slashed some in the park,
They all buzzed petrol in the dark,
The day the Mucker thrived....

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"

Helter Skelter, if the wean cries belt 'er
Writing mentions on the old bus shelter,
Eight days straight drinking Faaaaaaaaaast!
Doin' six month for selling smack,
The chip pan diet and the heart attack
A night out at Archaos wi' the burd.

The Sengas reek of cheap perfume,
While name-tags jangle round the room,
Each one grabs her geezzer,
A fag and lemon Breezer.
The lack of class is hard to hide,
They cannae wait to get inside,
A stair-heid winch and a door-way ride,
That's how the Muckers thrive

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"


You'll see them in their usual places,
With silly hats and ugly faces,
Ootside the offy acting hard.
So Shug be nimble, Shug be quick,
And get an ounce of speed on tick
Then cut it up and sell it to yer pals.

All lined up ootside the "Paki's",
A rainbow of exotic trackies,
Giein' abuse tae grannies,
Ya ####ed up bunch of fannies!
And as the day turns in to night,
The neds may gang up to start a fight,
But on their own they're soft as shite!
I've made a Mucker cry!

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"

(Slowly with feeling)

I met a girl who sang 'The Sash'
I asked about her pant moustache,
But she just told me to off!
I went down to the local chippy,
Where the Neds hung out and the staff were nippy,
And the muckers there harassed me for some fags.

Baseball hats at stupid angles,
The girls each wore three dozen bangles,
Hair done up with scrunchies,
Munching crisps and Crunchies.
But the three meals they enjoy the most,
Are chinky, chippy, beans on toast,
Come Glasgow fair they hit the coast,
The day the mucker thrived

And they were singin'........
Bye bye, eatin' Fray Bentos pie,
Drove the Uno roon' the toon oh wi' the techno up high,
Wearing wooly bunnets though it's nearly July
Singin', "There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"
"There's that posh wee fae Milngavie!"




			
		
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